I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
