Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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