Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize