I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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