Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
