If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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