I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
