her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
