OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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