if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So squirting runs in the family.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
