I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
