U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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