You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
