mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
