Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I still have a little drunk in my system
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize