It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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