call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
