You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
