found the other keg... it's in the tree
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
