dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
