Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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