I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
