i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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