I feel great
I just peed on a car
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
