i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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