i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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