I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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