My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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