New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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