ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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