Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
