"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
