It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sponge bath it is.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
