I hate your face
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
