Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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