I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize