dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
