dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
