420 ftw
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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