Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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