i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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