based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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