1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I wish there were birth control emojis
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
