So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
