You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
