I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
