They should really pass out barf bags in church
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
