He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
