the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
