please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
organizing the empties. That sober.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
