I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
