you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
