Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
its liver damage thursday
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
