It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
