When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
