I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
