grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
