Do you still have your period?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
