I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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