Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
