how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
