So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
either way he was missing a nipple.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
