I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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