I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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