you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
