This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
