are you still at the devil's house?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
