so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize