What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
