Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
