but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am spending my child support on dildos
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
