You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
