So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
