god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize