I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
