Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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