I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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