They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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