Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
