note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
