I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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