i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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