some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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